Finishing Well

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     Growing up I wasn't much of an athlete. Sure I did some pee wee sports like baseball and football, but they never really stuck well with me. I remember wishing that physical activities were optional as they really didn't capture my imagination and frankly I struggled with them as an overweight asthmatic kid. One of the more daunting days of physical education or sports was conditioning, or for the purposes of this essay the run a mile day. For some of you this may not seem like much, but for me the prospect of not one or two laps around the track, but FOUR was exasperating to consider. But I refused to give up and face the shame of walking with the other "fat" kids. I didn't run fast but I jogged a bit in ebbs and flows of slowing speed. I would turn my brain off and try not to think of the things I would rather be doing, most of which involve sitting and thinking. 

    But something would happen in me when I reached the last lap. I'm not sure if this was the result of a coach encouraging me or something inside me that just clicked, but even though I thought I was tired, I would begin to sprint. I wanted to finish well. I realized that I wasn't as done as I though, not so nearly out of breath, and found the will to finish well. Looking back I realized that I created the majority of my obstacles in the area of running. Frankly near the end of the season, I would find myself somewhere in the middle of the group rather than in the back. My will to finish well never quite translated to the rest of the game in sports and physical education. I would be overwhelmed with the difficulty in the first, second, and third quarter, and by the time the fourth quarter came around sometimes I didn't even get to show I could finish well, because you can't do that from the bench.

    So I wonder now as we are finishing the year of 2020, is there any value or merit in "finishing well." I am not sure if I gave my all this season, and if I had would I even have enough to "finish well." I don't really understand the confidence that Paul has when he writes, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." in 2 Timothy 4:7. I believe it must the clarity that comes with end of life, as Paul asserts before that, that his time on earth is ending. He talks about being poured out like a drink, whatever life is left is being poured out at that moment, does it really matter if it is a little or a lot? There will be a mix of people at the turn of the year this year that will feel relief at the start of a new year, and those that will still be struggling with the issues of the past year, because other than arbitrary dating and a few advancements in science and politics being in 2021 will not erase a pandemic, will not sooth the loss, the outrage, and the hurt feelings of this past year. There will be burnout when the pandemic is still raging and the politics are still violent. does it matter how we finish this season, if we were saving our support, reasonableness, and our humanity back at the start?

    I am not sure if I can really answer the what ifs on a question like that, but it is a question that is very real and applicable to the way that we face adversity and obstacles. We have a few choices when it comes to fighting our fights, running our races, and keeping our faith. We can save up some energy and positivity for the "victory" lap. We can move at the same pace and never even to the last minute risk running out of energy, passion, or determination. I have found some success in both of these, because they allow me to finish the run, get to the end. I know that in those instances, that attitude towards obstacles and hardships will allow me to survive them as I have many times, the favorite of mine being the victory lap choice. But there is a third choice, the Paul choice if you will. The choice to give it all you've got when you've got it, and by the time you get poured out and end your time here, you don't need to look at how many drops pour out of your cup, because you know for sure that you fought the good fight, you ran that race, and you kept the faith.

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