Learning From Littles

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    Small eyes see more than we are often comfortable with. Especially when it comes to our own faults, internal logical inconsistencies, and insecurities. They learn slowly the truths they are permitted to speak and the ones that are not socially acceptable. They are not to tell the truths that hurt feelings. While many times this advice is warranted to learn how to be kind rather than cruel, the problem is our children will come across fragile people. Fragile people have many true statements that act like landmines ready for anyone intrepid enough to try and get to know them. The landmines are the times they are triggered, lash out, and attempt by inappropriate means to protect their fragile ego. We cannot avoid these people exactly and as such our children will not be able to either. They will meet them as their teachers, their friends, and their bosses. For folks that are typically non-confrontational we favor a filter that tries to avoid these unpleasant situations and numerous apologetic stances that attempt to “smooth” things over with the fragile person, rather than pointing out the obvious. The boundaries that fragile people set are unreasonable and untenable. Furthermore, they are boundaries that they themselves do not respect in others. Often those most prone to reject all feedback as criticism, are hypercritical of others. The same internal mechanism that leaves them open to their trigger is the self-talk driving their interaction with others in their life.

Jesus talks about this hypocrisy in Matthew 7:3-5, “3 Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” CSB. This joke slash life lesson has a lot of bearing for us today. Not only as its most often use which is to monitor our own hypocrisy, but also the example Jesus set for us in confronting people that set unhealthy boundaries. Beware of those that are happy to point out your short comings but refuse to give ear to your feelings about how their behavior impacts you. Jesus was not afraid to call a spade a spade. He was a prophet and as such, he spoke the truth of God to those whom others were afraid to. Leaders, Pharisees those who had implicit and explicit power. Jesus did not censor his truth or pull his punches, but he always approached with fairness, love, and wise judgment in mind.

One thing that I have learned from working with children for all these years is that they love to hear and speak the truth. While we do not often put a premium on that particular gift as they integrate into adulthood, we actually feel the same way and long to meet those that will stand up for us and will stand up to us. Sometimes I think we teach others to play with kit gloves around us for a sense of comfort and safety, when we really want someone to tell us what we are lacking and to not be afraid to point it out when they see it. Kids have generally not given up on speaking the truth or had the truth worked out of them. I think that sincere attitude is something we can learn from and adopt once again. While trying to explain to my stepmom my issue with a fragile member of our family, “I can’t embrace them, because when they shatter it cuts me too.” By understanding when it was, we started filter our truths and pull our punches we can learn to listen to truth in the raw again and be okay with the fact that it is uncomfortable. In short learning that the truth itself isn’t mean it is just the truth. If we can do this, I am hopeful we can learn to tell the truth again from our littles.

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